Friends Season 1 Episode 11
General Information Subtitles 1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,997 Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News? 2 00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:07,569 I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right. 3 00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:12,405 Oh, my God! Don't Iook now. Behind you there's a guy... 4 00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:16,878 ...who can break our hearts and plunge us into depression. 5 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,012 Come to mama. 6 00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:23,121 He's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. 7 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,586 -Nice hat. -Thanks. 8 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,786 -We should do something. Whistle. -I' m not whistling. 9 00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:30,019 Come on, do it! 10 00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,425 Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. 11 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,169 I can't believe you did that. 12 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,268 The One With Mrs. Bing 13 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,682 -It's all my fault. -No, it's mine. 14 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,551 Why did I whoo-hoo? 15 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,057 Was I hoping he'd turn around and say... 16 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:38,424 ... " I Iove that sound. I must have you now"? 17 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,998 I wish there was something we could do. 18 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:45,765 Hello, coma guy. 19 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,666 Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up! 20 00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,070 What are you doing? 21 00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:53,244 Maybe nobody's tried this. 22 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,381 I wish we at Ieast knew his name. 23 00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,315 I hate that they're calling him John Doe. 24 00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:05,116 It's so sad. It's Iike he's a deer, a female deer. 25 00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:07,986 Oh, I was gonna stop. 26 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,257 Look at that face. 27 00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:13,726 Even sleeping he Iooks smart. 28 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:17,391 Yeah, but the dents in his knuckles mean he's artistic. 29 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:22,035 Okay. He's a Iawyer who teaches sculpting on the side. 30 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,833 And he can dance. 31 00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:28,877 And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking, he's Iistening... 32 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,845 ... not saying, " I understand "... 33 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:34,144 ... but really wondering what you Iook Iike naked. 34 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:39,251 I wish all guys could be Iike him. 35 00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,085 I know. 36 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,200 You don't even know this guy. 37 00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:52,963 Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? 38 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,235 He doesn't have anyone. 39 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,601 We feel kind of responsible. 40 00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,835 I can't believe you said "whoo-hoo. " 41 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,004 I don't even say "whoo-hoo. " 42 00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:04,840 Oh, she's coming up. 43 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:09,784 When we return, we 'll talk with the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. 44 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,082 Put the kids to bed for this one. 45 00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:15,852 Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie 's is on Showtime and HBO. 46 00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,027 No way. 47 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:21,193 -She's your mom. -Exactly. Weekend at Bernie 's. 48 00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:24,961 Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times. 49 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,435 I gotta tell you, I Iove your mom's books. 50 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,371 I can't get on a plane without one. This is so cool. 51 00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:35,046 You wouldn't think so if you were 1 1... 52 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:39,775 ...and your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch. 53 00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:42,580 I remember page 79. 54 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:47,192 The thing after the opera with the girl with the trick hip? 55 00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,926 I Iove your mom. I think she's a blast. 56 00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,995 That's because she's not your mom. 57 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,598 Oh, please. She's the 58 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,633 Hi, sweetie. 59 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,338 When did " Rigatoni " get back from Rome? 60 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,107 -Last night. -Really? 61 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,576 So, his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire? 62 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,713 Just a dream I had. 63 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,176 But, phew! 64 00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:14,850 Hey, she's on. 65 00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,515 Nora Bing. 66 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:25,521 Back to the book. What is this about you being arrested in London? 67 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,457 Your mom was arrested? 68 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,658 I'm busy beaming with pride. 69 00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,233 This is kind of embarrassing... 70 00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:36,639 ...but occasionally, after I've been intimate with a man... 71 00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:39,341 Why would she say that's embarrassing? 72 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,678 ...I just get this craving for kung pao chicken. 73 00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:45,976 That's too much information. 74 00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:54,119 Needless to say, he got a huge tip. 75 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,353 Oh, God, I Iove her! 76 00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:01,032 I think I' m having a stroke. 77 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:05,065 So how is your book tour going? 78 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:09,298 Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate. 79 00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:11,736 But I get to see my son, who I love. 80 00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:17,310 This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. 81 00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:21,653 Don 't take this wrong, I just don 't see you as a mom. 82 00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:25,756 -I don 't mean that bad. -Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom. 83 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,383 I bought my son his first condoms. 84 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,766 And then he burst into flames. 85 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:49,778 Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit-reduction bill. 86 00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:54,884 The mayor wants to raise subway fares. The high today was 45. 87 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,083 And teams played sports. 88 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:26,117 What about GIen? 89 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,714 He could be a GIen. 90 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,785 Not special enough. 91 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,221 How about Agamemnon? 92 00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,851 Way too special. 93 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:45,233 I'm famished. What do I want? 94 00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:48,735 PIease, God, don't Iet it be kung pao chicken. 95 00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,841 You watched the show. What did you think? 96 00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,672 I think you need to come out of your shell. 97 00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,177 What is this dive? 98 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,783 Only you could've picked this place. 99 00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:05,582 Come on. Shut up. It's fun. Give me a hug. 100 00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:09,789 I heard about the divorce. Lesbian, huh? 101 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:15,925 Well, you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for. 102 00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:21,070 -I think we' re ready for some tequila. -I know I am. 103 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,265 -Who's doing shots? -Hit me. 104 00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,636 There you go. Ross? 105 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:27,735 I' m not really a shot-drinking kind of guy. 106 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,574 Hi. Sorry we' re Iate. 107 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:33,308 We kind of just, you know, Iost track of time. 108 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:37,488 But a man can change. 109 00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:45,856 Anyone want me to appraise anything? 110 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,409 Well, I' m gonna go to tinker-town. 111 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,740 Mrs. Bing, I've read everything you've written. 112 00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:07,076 When I read Euphoria at Midnight, I wanted to become a writer. 113 00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:10,016 Oh, please. If I can do it, anybody can. 114 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,617 Start with half a dozen European cities... 115 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,521 ...throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia... 116 00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,161 ...and you've got yourself a book. 117 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,024 My mother, Iadies and gentlemen. 118 00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:27,972 Yeah, any messages for room 226? 119 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,603 -You okay, slugger? -Oh, yeah. I' m fine. 120 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,019 What is with you tonight? 121 00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:49,888 Nothing. Nothing, nothing. 122 00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,062 Okay, thank you. 123 00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:57,964 It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it? 124 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,738 No. It's the one he's L=licking. 125 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,671 She's supposed to be with you. 126 00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:05,703 You' re good. 127 00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:11,547 I have sold 1 00 million copies of my books, and you know why? 128 00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:14,976 The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? 129 00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:21,860 No, because I know how to write men that women fall in Iove with. 130 00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:24,059 I cannot sell a Paolo. 131 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:27,493 People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo. 132 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,863 Come on. The guy's a secondary character. 133 00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:34,368 He's just a complication you eventually kill off. 134 00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:36,937 When? 135 00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:41,409 He's not a hero. 136 00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:43,843 You know who our hero is? 137 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,610 The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? 138 00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:48,752 No, it's you. 139 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,454 -PIease. -No, really. 140 00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:53,089 Come on. You' re smart. You' re sexy. 141 00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,454 -Right. -Yes, you are. 142 00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:59,256 The fact that you don't think you are makes you sexier. 143 00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,458 Come on, kiddo. You' re gonna be fine, believe me. 144 00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:25,013 I'II just pee in the street. 145 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,289 Is Chandler here? 146 00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,165 Wait. Come here. 147 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,970 Okay, about Iast night... 148 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,071 ...you know... 149 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,242 ... Chandler, you didn't tell.... 150 00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:48,877 We don't need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. No big deal, right? 151 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,979 Right. No big deal. 152 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,878 In bizarro world. 153 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,516 You broke the code. 154 00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:00,658 -What code? -You don't kiss your friend's mom. 155 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:04,454 Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-Iooking aunt. 156 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,098 But not a mom. Never a mom. 157 00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,926 What are you guys doing out here? 158 00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:15,733 Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. 159 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,270 But apparently somebody overslept. 160 00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,116 Well, you don't have your racquet. 161 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,012 No. No, I don't because it's being restrung. 162 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,446 Somebody was supposed to bring me one. 163 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,659 Well, you didn't call and Ieave your grip size. 164 00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,862 You guys are spending way too much time together. 165 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,334 I' m scum. I' m scum. 166 00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:46,036 -How could you Iet this happen? -I don't know. 167 00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:48,170 It's not Iike she's a regular mom. 168 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,204 She's sexy. She's.... 169 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,707 You don't think my mom's sexy? 170 00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:56,573 Well, not in the same way. 171 00:11:56,849 --> 00:12:00,808 I'II have you know, GIoria T ribbiani was a handsome woman in her day. 172 00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:05,624 You think it's easy giving birth to seven children? 173 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,554 Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here. 174 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,229 What are you doing here? 175 00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,598 Not playing racquetball. 176 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:23,936 -He forgot to Ieave his grip size. -He didn't get the goggles. 177 00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:28,446 Sounds Iike you two have issues. 178 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,710 Goodbye, baby. 179 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:37,453 Do they wait for me to do this? 180 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,624 -Are you gonna tell him? -Why would I tell him? 181 00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:49,265 If you don't, his mother might. 182 00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:53,002 What are you guys doing here? 183 00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,838 He's not even wearing a jock strap. 184 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,472 What did I ask? 185 00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,490 What are you doing here? 186 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:22,826 Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by, you know, after... 187 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,330 ...that I, you know. 188 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,368 So, what are you doing here? 189 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,270 I' m not really here. 190 00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:34,002 I just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way. 191 00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:39,281 Do you come here a Iot... 192 00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,279 ...without me? 193 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,647 No, no, no. 194 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:50,326 Do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning? 195 00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,355 How would I know? I wasn't here. 196 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:57,966 Really? Not even to change his pajamas? 197 00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:03,096 Oh, my God. 198 00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:06,072 You're my friend. I had to tell you. 199 00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,005 I can't believe it. 200 00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:10,378 Paolo kissed my mom? 201 00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,912 I don't know if you noticed, but he drank a Iot. 202 00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:17,781 I mean, you know how he gets 203 00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,593 I can't do this. I did it. 204 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:24,228 It was me. I' m sorry. I kissed your mom. 205 00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:25,730 What? 206 00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:31,066 I was upset about Rachel and I had too much tequila, and Nora... 207 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:33,101 ... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was... 208 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,372 ... being nice. But nothing happened. 209 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:38,736 Nothing. Ask Joey. 210 00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:42,046 -Joey came in -You knew about this? 211 00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:45,011 You know, knowledge is a tricky thing. 212 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,217 Why didn't you tell me? 213 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:52,220 You're Iucky I caught them, or else who knows what would've happened? 214 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,891 Thanks, man. Big help. 215 00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:56,720 What the hell were you thinking? 216 00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,987 I wasn't. I don't know. I 217 00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:02,565 No one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. 218 00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:04,998 -I know. -I can't believe you did this. 219 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,501 -Me neither. -I' m mad at you too. 220 00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,502 -Why are you mad at me? -Let me slam the door. 221 00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:15,841 I didn't kiss her. See what happens when you break the code? 222 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,287 "A Woman Undone, by Rachel IKaren Greene. " 223 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:35,865 I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm on the first chapter. 224 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:41,038 Do you think his "Iove stick" can be "Iiberated from its denim prison"? 225 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,936 Yeah, I'd say so. 226 00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,508 And there's no "J " in "engorged. " 227 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,547 -You going to the hospital tonight? -No. You? 228 00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:58,320 No. You? 229 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,985 You just asked me. 230 00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,186 Maybe it was a trick question. 231 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,364 Rachel, can we do this now? 232 00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:13,138 I am so hot. 233 00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:17,733 Here's my mom and dad on their wedding day. 234 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:21,002 Now, you tell me she's not a knockout. 235 00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:28,410 -I can't believe this conversation. -Just try to picture her not pregnant. 236 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:33,852 Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay. 237 00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:35,825 Thanks. 238 00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:42,930 I'd Iike to start with a song about a man I recently met... 239 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,968 ...who's come to be very important to me. 240 00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:55,007 You don 't have to be awake To be my man 241 00:16:57,282 --> 00:17:02,185 Long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand 242 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,850 Though we just met the other day 243 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:09,561 There 's something I have got to say 244 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,665 Thank you very much. I' m gonna take a short break. 245 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,627 That was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. 246 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,535 -What the hell was that? -Phoebe just started 247 00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:28,075 I was talking to Joey. AII right, there, mother-kisser? 248 00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,342 " Mother-kisser. " 249 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,048 I'II shut up. 250 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,823 I know you' re still mad at me... 251 00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:42,856 ... but there were two people there that night. 252 00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:46,398 -There were two sets of Iips. -I expect this from her. 253 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,367 She's always been a Freudian nightmare. 254 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,696 Then why don't you say something? 255 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,897 Because it's complicated. It's complex. 256 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,608 You kissed my mom. 257 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,674 We' re rehearsing a Greek play. 258 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,913 That's funny. Are we done now? 259 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:10,384 You mean you' re not gonna tell her how you feel? 260 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,786 Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom... 261 00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:17,189 ...doesn't mean you know her. You can't talk to her. 262 00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:19,727 Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't? 263 00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:22,533 Okay, that's my finger. 264 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:25,259 Okay, that's my knee. 265 00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:27,038 Still doing the play. 266 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,139 What did you do with him? 267 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,284 -You're awake. -Look at you. 268 00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:45,489 How do you feel? 269 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,783 A Iittle woozy, but basically okay. 270 00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:49,893 Gosh, you Iook good. 271 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,494 I feel good. 272 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,231 Who are you? 273 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,092 -Sorry. -I'm Phoebe. 274 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,826 I' m Monica. I've been caring for you. 275 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,003 We both have. 276 00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:03,364 -The Etch A Sketch is from you? -Actually, me. 277 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,304 -I got you the foot massager. -I shaved you. 278 00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,876 -I read to you. -I sang. 279 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,448 Well, thanks. 280 00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,981 -Oh, my pleasure. -You' re welcome. 281 00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:18,088 So I guess I'II see you around. 282 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,087 What? That's it? 283 00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:23,254 "See you around "? 284 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:26,589 -What do you want me to say? -I don't know. 285 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,129 Maybe... 286 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,698 ... "That was nice. " 287 00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:31,300 " It meant something to me. " 288 00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,005 " I'II call you. " 289 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:38,598 -Okay. I'II call you. -I don't think you mean that. 290 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,678 This is so typical. 291 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,811 You know, we give and we give... 292 00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:48,644 ...and we give. 293 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,981 And we just get nothing back. 294 00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:55,125 And then one day, you wake up, and it's, "See you around. " 295 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:58,795 Let's go, Phoebe. 296 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:04,235 You know what? We thought you were different. 297 00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,631 But I guess it was just the coma. 298 00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:21,008 The car's waiting. I just wanted to drop off my book for your friends. 299 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,951 Autographed. And give you a goodbye kiss. 300 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,024 Here's the kiss, here's the goodbye.... 301 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:32,863 -Anything you want from Lisbon? -Just knowing you' re there is enough. 302 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,663 AII right. Well, be good. I Iove you. 303 00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,239 You kissed my best Ross. 304 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,768 Or something to that effect. 305 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,852 Look, it was stupid. 306 00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:57,248 -Really stupid. -Really stupid. 307 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:01,991 I don't even know how it happened. 308 00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:06,991 I' m sorry, honey. I promise it will never happen again. 309 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,996 Really, really stupid. 310 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:11,635 Really, really stupid. 311 00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:15,238 -Are we okay now? -Yeah. 312 00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:16,835 No. 313 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,277 The forbidden Iove of a man and his door. 314 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,384 He told her off. And not just about the kiss. 315 00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:31,647 You're kidding? 316 00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:35,293 He said, "When are you gonna start being a mom? " 317 00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:36,654 Then she said: 318 00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:41,298 "The question is, when are you gonna realize I have a bomb? " 319 00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,267 Are you sure she didn't say: 320 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:50,271 "When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom? " 321 00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:55,408 -That makes more sense. -You think? 322 00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:58,347 What's going on now? 323 00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:02,786 I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you. 324 00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,220 I don't hear anything. Wait. 325 00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:07,480 What do you see? 326 00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:10,159 It's hard to tell. They're tiny and upside down. 327 00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:11,726 Wait, wait, wait. 328 00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:15,058 They're walking away. They're walking away. 329 00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:19,103 No, they' re not. They' re coming right at us. Run! 330 00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:24,097 -Are you okay, kiddo? -Yeah, I' m okay. 331 00:22:24,376 --> 00:22:26,139 AII right. You be good. 332 00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:28,003 Drive safe. 333 00:22:29,981 --> 00:22:32,279 -Mrs. Bing. -Mr. Geller. 334 00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:42,617 You mean that? 335 00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:44,693 Yeah, why not? 336 00:22:47,065 --> 00:22:49,124 So I told her. 337 00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:51,401 -How did it go? -Awful. Awful. 338 00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:53,330 Couldn't have gone worse. 339 00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:57,171 -Well, how do you feel? -Pretty good. 340 00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:00,575 I told her. 341 00:23:00,912 --> 00:23:02,743 Well, see? 342 00:23:02,981 --> 00:23:07,281 So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, me kissing your mom, huh? 343 00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:10,751 But we don't have to go down that road. 344 00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:18,720 This is just the first chapter... 345 00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:23,559 ...and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay? 346 00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:28,297 And on page two, he's not reaching for her " heaving beasts. " 347 00:23:29,841 --> 00:23:31,832 She could have heaving beasts. 348 00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:35,503 Right, but in this case she doesn't. 349 00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:37,340 What's a " niffle"? 350 00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:40,484 You can usually find them on the heaving beasts. 351 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,817 Okay, so I' m not a great typist. 352 00:23:45,056 --> 00:23:49,049 Did you get to the part about his "huge, throbbing pens"? 353 00:23:49,661 --> 00:23:53,620 You don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those. 354 00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:56,425 That's it. Give them back. 355 00:23:57,035 --> 00:24:01,836 Wait, I just got to the part about her "public hair. "